thoughts upcoming:

kenya - what was it. why was it? what did it do?

thoughts on guilt and growing into a place of thankfulness instead.

half heartedness. i'm no good at it. others are. when is it appropriate? when is it not?

post run.. yes, we are running in kenya.

and yes, i am the total odd man out. given, kenyans are some of the best runners in the world... but that's just not for kisumu (where i am) ...

but, let me share...

the new favorite

1/2 an avo

2 1/2 inches of cucumber, chopped

lots of chopped green cabbage

some red onion

maybe tomato?

garlic!

squeeze of lemon juice on top and

some salt ... maybe some pepper? haven't tried that yet :) they don't seem to use it here.

and so, so cheap... did i mention the amazing avos at 15cents here.. in kenya?

Kale Recipe

Ingredients:
One large head of kale such as curly, Russian red or dinosaur
½ medium sized red onion
Several handfuls of sunflower sprouts
¼ cup each sesame, pumpkin, and sunflower seeds.
1 avocado cut into chunks
1 handful thinly sliced shitake mushrooms

Dressing:
1/3 C of Braggs Liquid Aminos
1/3 C lemon juice
1/3 C flax seed oil

Directions: Combine the Braggs and lemon juice in a blender and slowly drizzle in the oil until emulsified. Slice onion into thin moons and marinate in dressing while preparing the salad. Toast the seeds until golden and fragrant and cool. De-stem the kale and slice into ¼” ribbons. Toss the kale, sprouts, seeds, avocado and mushrooms with the dressing/onions. Let sit a few hours to allow flavors to combine and the kale to wilt.

Mango Tree Soap

Courtesy of Lillian & Heather under a mango tree, on their farm in rural Ombeyi.

Ingredients

5 large or 7 small aloe vera leaves

500 mL water

300g NaOH/Lye/Caustic Soda

Scent: Lavendar, mint, orange, cinnamon etc.

70% ethanol, if desired

1 Liter vegetable oil or cooking fat

1 Liter coconut oil

Directions

§ Wash aloe vera, use 5 leaves if they are large, 7 if they are small

§ Cut the dry, crusty end of the aloe vera off and throw away

§ Begin paper-thinly chopping the aloe vera into a bucket

§ When chopped, add 500 mL of water to the bucket

§ Add 300g of NaOH (Lye or Caustic Soda)

§ Mix and keep cold (cold water bath for the bucket will do the trick)

§ Do not stir, let rest for two hours

In the mean time:

§ Melt vegetable oil

§ Set up soap dishes to pour mixture into after having added the fats

After two hours are up:§

Blend the aloe vera, NaOH and water mixture to make a smooth liquid paste

§ Add essential oil as desired to preference

§ If desired, add 70% ethanol to make the soap clear

§ Stir constantly

§ Add coconut oil

§ Stir constantly

§ Add vegetable oil or cooking fat

§ Pour IMMEDIATELY into prepared soap dishes and decorate with aloe vera flowers etc…

§ Let rest until set. About 24 hours. J

This Summer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c1WomtTi0wY

Portland, OR

Seattle, WA

San Francisco, CA

NYC

London

Kisumu, Kenya

Nairobi conference

Athens & Galixidi, Greece

Boston.

San Francisco.

Home.

note....

....to self.

“Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to be sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket – safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.” – C.S. Lewis

‎"in any case, it seems important to note that the heart is also a brain with neurons comprising fifty percent or more of its cells - with a new medical specialty called cardioneurology. if the body is entrained to the brain, the brain is entrained to the heart, which is to say that the heart is the cardinal organ of the human body." - randall eaton

Sex Without Love
Sharon Olds


How do they do it, the ones who make love
without love? Beautiful as dancers,
gliding over each other like ice-skaters
over the ice, fingers hooked
inside each other's bodies, faces
red as steak, wine, wet as the
children at birth whose mothers are going to
give them away. How do they come to the
come to the come to the God come to the
still waters, and not love
the one who came there with them, light
rising slowly as steam off their joined
skin? These are the true religious,
the purists, the pros, the ones who will not
accept a false Messiah, love the
priest instead of the God. They do not
mistake the lover for their own pleasure,
they are like great runners: they know they are alone
with the road surface, the cold, the wind,
the fit of their shoes, their over-all cardio-
vascular health--just factors, like the partner
in the bed, and not the truth, which is the
single body alone in the universe
against its own best time

study, study, study.

anji and i run mental marathons all day long. with breaks for yoga and ginger candy if we get lucky. we're not always lucky.

today the focus is on

Kingdom Animalia
Phylum Chordata
Subphylum Vertebrata
Superclass Gnathostomata
Class Amphibia
Order Anura

Genus Rana

...otherwise known as a common frog :) but, we run mental marathons

borrowing again from Daily Om

When our minds are cluttered with too many thoughts and information, our bodies respond by trying to take action.

Our minds and bodies are interconnected, and the condition of one affects the condition of the other. This is why meditation is such a powerful tool for healing the body, as powerful as physical therapies. When our minds are cluttered with thoughts, information, and plans, our bodies respond by trying to take action. When the body has a clear directive from the mind, it knows what to do, but a cluttered, unfocused mind creates a confused, tense body. Our muscles tighten up, our breath shortens, and we find ourselves feeling constricted without necessarily knowing why.

When we sit down to meditate, we let our bodies know that it is okay to be still and rest. This is a clear directive from the mind, and the body knows exactly how to respond. Thus, at the very beginning, we have created a sense of clarity for the body and the mind. As we move deeper into meditation, the state of our mind reveals itself, and we have the opportunity to consciously decide to settle it. A meditation teacher pointed out that if you put a cow in a small pen, she acts up and pushes against the boundaries, whereas if you provide her with a large, open space, she will peacefully graze in one spot. In the same way, our thoughts settle down peacefully if we provide them with enough space, and our bodies follow suit.


Holding onto regret is like dragging the weight of the past with us everywhere. It drains our energy, leaving less available for life now.

Holding onto regret is like dragging the weight of the past with us everywhere we go. It drains our energy, leaving less available for life in the present because we are constantly feeding an old issue. This attachment can cause illness the same way watering a dead plant creates decay. We know that something new and beautiful can grow in its place if we only prepare the soil and plant the right seeds. We also know that we create our lives from our thoughts, so dwelling on the past may actually recreate a situation in our lives where we are forced to make the choice again and again. We can choose to move on right now by applying what we have learned to the present and perhaps even sharing with others, transforming the energy into something that is constructive and creative for ourselves and others.

Forgiveness is the soothing balm that can heal regret. In meditation, we can imagine discussing the issue with the self of our past and offering our forgiveness for the choice. In return, we can ask for our selves’ forgiveness for keeping them locked in that space of judgment for so long. We may also want to ask forgiveness from anyone else who may have been affected and perhaps offer our forgiveness. By replaying the event in our minds, we can choose a new ending using all that we now know. Imagine that you have actually gone back into the past and made this change, and then say goodbye to it. Release your former self with a hug and bring the forgiveness and love back with you to the present. Since we are usually our harshest critics, it is amazing how powerfully healing it can be to offer ourselves love.

Keeping our minds and our energy fully in the present allows us to fuel our physical and emotional healing and well-being today. This action frees our energy to create the dreams we dream for the future. By taking responsibility and action in the present, we can release our hold on the past.

My Grandfather. .... by king harris.

I first met Bayard Stockton in 1985 when he invited me to be on his KMGQ radio show called Santa Barbara’s Good Companions. He was intrigued by the role of television news anchors, and I was awed because I felt like I was being interviewed by Edward R. Murrow. Foreign correspondents like Bayard were gods to all upstart journalists and I wasn’t disappointed. But I do remember that when I told him the well-written word wasn’t as necessary in my business as his, thunder roared.

But Bayard thundered and roared about a lot of things, like Y2K and the Iraq war and Homeland Security and the Santa Barbara Film Festival and the News-Press debacle and anything else he thought was screwed up, including his own life. Privileged though he was, he did not have an easy time of it. Born October 27, 1930 in Lausanne, Switzerland, to Margaret Forest Zabriskie and Philip Bayard Stockton, he grew up as an only and lonely child in the New York environs of Gramercy Park and Long Island’s North Shore. He couldn’t get close to his mother because she wouldn’t allow it, and he rarely saw his father, who was lodged in an insane asylum. Bayard, having now become self-reliant, was shuffled off to private boarding schools like Harvey and then Exeter Academy, from which he graduated in 1946. He went on to attend Williams College, where he excelled at swimming and majored in political science. But he never finished (though he later receive an honorary degree). Instead, he opted to become a spy for the U.S. government.

“You’re kidding me, right?” I remember asking during the early days of our friendship, when he first told me about his espionage background.

“Nope,” he replied. “Almost 10 years, for the CIA in Berlin, in the 1950s.”

I started to get paranoid. “I’m not being recorded, am I?” I asked. I didn’t think people could ever leave the CIA. And I wondered how one got into it in the first place.

In Bayard’s case, he was recruited. The Army, it seems, was looking for the best and the brightest to fight the Cold War in Europe. Curious and intrigued, Bayard studied psychological warfare, took a crash course in German, learned to witness from the shadows, and became a case officer for the Central Intelligence Agency. Bayard later recalled that his grandest experience during this time — other than serving with infamous undercover colleague Bill Harvey (about whom he later wrote a book) — was flushing out Soviet counterespionage agent Heinz Frose, who was working for the Americans under the name Hans Friesen. Frose was later convicted of high treason, much to the chagrin of Bayard’s superiors, who never believed it true. Was it a career fraught with danger? “Not in the slightest,” according to Bayard’s longtime partner George Kirby. “All we did was drink, smoke, party, and socialize,” he once told me. But all would not remain gay. By the tail end of the ’50s, both Bayard’s parents had died and his days as a spy were over, as was his six-year first attempt at marriage.

His second was to a woman he met at a Communist rally in Berlin in 1958. Bayard and Erdmuthe Von Flemming wed in 1960, the year that he started work as a foreign correspondent for Newsweek, first in Bonn and soon after in London. By the latter part of the ’60s, Bayard and Erdmuthe had produced three highly spirited children — Tara, Philip, and Vanessa — and were living in Greece. It was, according to Philip, the best of times. “Dad had a boat called the Alkyon,” he recalled. “All we did was swim and fish and play in the water.” Bayard, now freelancing, banged away on his typewriter from the stern of his ship. “He wasn’t as intense, though,” said Philip. “Dad seemed more carefree, and was very Bohemian.”

Given that climate and lifestyle, it’s easy to see how Bayard ultimately ended up in Santa Barbara. He divorced Erdmuthe in 1980 and moved to Santa Barbara one year later, where he quickly got involved in the community, first on radio. Over the years, he would be known in Santa Barbara as a teacher, writer, lecturer, media hound, political watchdog, and staunch supporter of causes like Veterans for Peace. He also authored three books: Flawed Patriot, a biography of CIA legend Bill Harvey; Nothing to Fear, a fictionalized account of the Y2K scare; and Catapult, a biography of mind expansion pioneer Robert Monroe.

When he wasn’t writing, he was at the beach: either Hendry’s — his favorite — where he would parade around from shore to sea, or a nude beach somewhere south, parading around for all to see. What better place to pursue his perpetual lust for the ladies. Bayard’s conquests got to be so numerous, his daughter Tara recently told me, that he wasn’t allowed to introduce any new girlfriends to his children unless the relationship was six months old.

He never quit, either. Just last October on his 75th birthday, he told me he was seeking a woman with at least 60 years of age, who was well-traveled, intelligent, and sexy. As far as I know, he never connected. But he did find peace. He discovered it one day in the early ’90s. It was the day he called me from Hell.

“King, this is Bayard. I need you to come over right now and convince me why I shouldn’t kill myself. Because that’s what I’m about to do.” He was not sober — though he sounded too exhausted to be drunk — but I hoped it was the bottle talking. Booze was Bayard’s worst enemy. He had quit 10 years earlier, even joined AA. I raced to his house to find he had relapsed and was on the tail end of a two-week binge, his spirit as empty as the empty liquor bottles I found all over the place. “At least you could drink the good stuff, Bay,” I remarked. When he laughed, I knew things would be okay. After four hours of talking about life and death, his mother and father, his children, his work, and his play, I drove him to the hospital, where he surrendered. He never touched another drop. When I asked him years later what I said that changed his mind and his life, he replied, “You answered my question.”

“What question?” I asked.

“Did I contribute? In all these years, did I ever make any difference?”

Are you kidding? See you at Hendry’s, Bayard.

In the bonds, King

:) thank you.

.

villagebeat.org

a interesting and thoughtful film.

the organization behind it seems a little intense... but as though they may have some very good intentions.

http://villagebeat.org/

gratitudinal

the good things of this week:

like eddie said last night: you cannot create GRATITUDE. it just comes over you in a flood. flowing and all consuming.

.Katie Upton... the most amazing artist i know of, agreed to meet with me. http://katieupton.com/ she will look over my work, i over hers.. and mayhaps she'll give me a little direction

.Horses. God do I love those horses.

.comversations: katie cesareo, eric cohen, michael de l'arbre, anji trugillo, graham harbison, fred graham, david denison, reuben smith, nicholas coolridge, jen houston, kensey daly, i am thankful for all of you.

.interning at direct relief. always a major refresher.

.finding luna a home. god, it could not be better. pink blanket, carrying crate, harness and a home made sheperds pie.

.school. although you drive me crazy, i am so glad everytime we meet over a cup of black.

.yoga. my core is strong and my breath is now soft.

thank you for this week. im am flying high.

daily om. borrowing good energy again.

Mayhaps this summed up last night's yoga:

Sometimes we find it difficult to see the good in people, places, or situations that aren’t to our liking. We focus on the things we don’t like in our lives as a way of fueling our efforts to create change. There is nothing inherently wrong with this, and it is one way we make progress. However, if we get too caught up in this way of looking at the world, we lose touch with our ability to sit back and simply say yes to everything on our plates, which is the true starting point for all successful activity. Sometimes what we really need is to encourage ourselves to look deeply into all things in our lives to see the inherent goodness at the heart of everything.

At the core of this inquiry is the practice of unconditional acceptance, which can be scary because we feel as if we are being asked not to change the things we don’t like. But when we think this way, we are still operating on the surface of our lives. In order to feel the beauty and warmth of full acceptance, we have to be willing to sink deeper into the stratum underlying the external manifestation of our lives. This deeper place of being is the origin of all lasting change, yet its paradox is that when we are in it, we often don’t feel the need to change anything. From this place, we experience the pure beauty of the process of being alive, and we see that all things change in their own time. We don’t need to force anything. If there are things that we do need to change, from this place of serenity we create the shift easily, our hands guided by an energy that resides at the very center of our hearts.

In our active, goal-oriented culture, we learn to distrust stillness and to engage in busywork on the surface of life. This tendency can blind us to the good that lies at the heart of all things. But all we have to do to see again is stop for a moment, let go of our preconceptions and our agendas, and settle into the very center of our hearts, remembering that it is only from here that we can truly see.

what is a day in sb?

spring,

summer09

start the day at 8:30. breakfast bowl, cai, cold black tea and the park in extending from my window.

work from 9-11:00 at the zoo. on the hilltop, with giraffes and the ocean. have my aged quizzed. my name misspelled and laughter. work in khaki, linen pants and a white cotton shirt. boots.

get off work, hear the moutains calling me. they call, and i come. hot springs trail today, they had something to tell me ... 'reconsider your concept of faith', (don't give up on it, let it go, there might be something to it).

head home, clean up, put the khaki pants back on.

head to the soup kitchen with riegler, offer to volunteer. asked to return at 4:30.

run to the roco. to do some organic chemistry, write and ruminate about the life i have.

graham's going to show up. we're going to do some work. have some more ice tea, maybe an iced cappucino.

check out cute roco boy.

finish organic chem, and go for a walk to the art museum. free today. explore the art, and head back to the soup kitchen.

maybe go to the dog shelter, get a sheperd and dance on the beach at a bonfire after.

head home to see mama, and my cousin niko from germany. and his three friends. invite friends. drink beers and laugh. always, laugh.

new years story. carrot. egg. coffee.

A carrot, an egg and a cup of coffee... You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water
and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the
carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me, what do you see?"

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied. Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft.

The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed thehard boiled egg. Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee.

The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?"

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity ... boiling water . Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile.

Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting
through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground
coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her daughter.

"When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?"

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength? Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat?

Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial
hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart? Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level?

How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?


May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you
can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and
heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.

Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.



HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Esteem conversations at the Coffee Bean

Physical Conversation

Vie:

A point of balance. When the horse, male, female, gelding or mare, finds herself. She trots along like nothing could phase the perfect balance she has found in her own movements. She moves, trot, stepping, lifting legs with a round back and neck to match.

I hold her with my reins. Each time I tug, adjust, she moves. That the inner rein is what makes her curve and the outer gives her stability to move with effortlessness that looks to come from her alone.

We move into the canter and find a resistance. There is a tension.

This is one of the most beautiful examples of two bodies working together for joint purpose, moderated by respective movements which affect the other so intensively that one can go from shaky to balanced and vice versa, depending on what the other does.

I call it my physical conversation. We are not talking, we don't speak each others language….. but, we can move together. Almost as dancers do, or lovers.

The words physical conversation keep cropping up as we trot in circles. For that, is what it is.. …a physical conversation.

Seal:

He and I start popping over rails. Flying over first a foot and a half, then a series of two jumps and then four feet. Never have I felt so connected, yet not, to a horse. We are in harmony, flying and landing in unison, not tied. Members on a two part team, sort of separate but totally connected.

what i may be adding to my life this week :) :

What I did add:

Now... name?

What Is ...

Lieblinge.

Unstiffen your supple body

Unchatter your quiet mind Unfreeze your fiery heart

Was du liebst, das lass frei. Kommt es zurueck, gehoert es Dir - fuer immer. -Confuscius

Ich bin klein, mein Herz ist rein: darf keiner drin wohnen als Jesus allein -Papu

Shift.

Horses. Freedom. Schokolade. Freunde/Freude. Predictable. Pomodoro. Organisch.

Pascion. Zitrone.

Open.

A great society grown when old men plant trees the shade of which they know they will never sit in -Jonah

Kindness costs you nothing.

Breathe. Even if it threatens the shape and the shape falls. Breathe to feel life. -Eddie

Your whole life is here
No eleventh hour reprieve

So don't forget to breathe -Alexi Murdoch

I love the morning.

Have a little faith in the universe. .. KTB

A lack of vulnerability is the last quality you can hang onto .. even as you are an adult. -Leanne

Give the benefit of the doubt.

Glorification of the creation of personality - Leanne

drop the melted snow in your hands. - Eddie

i am writing graffiti on your body. i am drawing the story. your bones have been my bed frame and your flesh has been my pillow.

Learning that we do not always get what we want.

Days never run the way you think they will.

The new focus on space. Freedom. Space. Room. space. according, peace. energy.

Temper everything with a smile.

I hate texting. God do I ever.

kid gloves. metaphorical and real. wear em.

It takes a village to raise a child.

.